Where are all the stay-at-home dads?

As most politicians learn to their cost, there tends to be an exasperating gap between the implementation of an innovative policy and a corresponding change in society’s behaviour.

In the best-case scenario, this time lag is a short one. The speed and equanimity with which people accepted the charge for plastic bags in supermarkets is a case in point. More typically, though, those in charge find themselves confidently pulling a policy lever only to discover that nothing happens.

The problem of instigating cultural change came into focus for me at an event Mumsnet held recently to celebrate our Family Friendly Awards, which recognise companies with innovative family friendly policies. Tim Munden, a vice-president at Unilever UK and Ireland, observed that despite his company’s positive approach to paternity leave (in the UK, up to 37 weeks of leave at full pay for eligible fathers, if taken in one block), their very rough estimate suggested that just 15 per cent of fathers would take it up. The first national figures for the number of couples taking shared parental leave, due to be published later this year, are expected to be even more disappointing.

One explanation is the measly rate of statutory pay. But when companies offer more generous schemes and still the majority of fathers are not likely to participate, there is obviously something else going on. We are back, in short, to cultural barriers.

Society remains ambivalent about the stay-at-home dad. Fathers on Mumsnet report bemused responses from people used to mothers taking the domestic role. Male politicians who take paternity leave or talk about fatherly responsibilities tend to be treated as if they’ve jeopardised their alpha-male credentials. Witness the opprobrium directed at the former deputy prime minister Nick Clegg for occasionally doing the school run.

The message is that parental leave and flexible working are fine for mums, and for those who lack ambition (and how troubling it is that those two are often paired), but not for leaders. Fathers with career ambitions are dissuaded at a deep social level from taking paternity leave.

This is not the fault of the companies themselves; we all made this mess as a society, and we all have to start clearing it up. What businesses can do, though, is to emphasise to their employees that these benefits are not just window dressing. One father getting a promotion on his return from an extended period of paternity leave will have more effect than 10 pages of policy from HR.

The yawning gap in wage rates between full-time workers and part-time workers could be addressed. Men in leadership positions could start taking parental leave as standard. Line managers could actively enable flexibility. Tech could be introduced to allow the parent at home with a sick child to attend a meeting via video link. These are the everyday things that will help to accelerate the glacial pace of cultural change.

Justine Roberts is co-founder and chief executive of Mumsnet, a parent networking site, and writes fortnightly for the FT